TAKING IT UP THE …

Real Housewives Of New York: Verbal Pow Pows! At A Holiday Powwow

By Trisha B.

HEATHER’S ENTERING SONJA’S TOWNHOUSE to have another brand meeting. When she sees Ramona sitting at the table her dismay is palpable. Ramona smells it and attributes it to one strong woman against another.

BITCHES BE BITCHES

Love, Celebrity Style: Michael Phelps, Ashton Kutcher, Kanye West

By Elizabeth C.

MICHAEL PHELPS MAKES A SPLASH WITH HIS SEXY GIRLFRIEND, ASHTON KUTCHER dives headlong into love with That 70s costar Mila Kunis and Kanye West declares Kim Kardashian his “perfect bitch.” Today’s Love Celebrity Style is a dog in August heat.

GIVE ME ALL YOUR HATIN’

Elton John Calls Madonna The “C” Word — No One Disagrees

By Elizabeth C.

SHE BRANDISHES GUNS, PROJECTS SWASTIKAS AND FLASHES TIT IN CONCERT — all the while proclaiming she’s “calling out … intolerance and asking people to pay attention, to wake up to see how we are just creating more chaos in the world.”

Now Elton John’s calling Madonna out — for being a “c*nt” and a “nightmare” and being mean to Lady Gaga. Is he wrong? Absofuckingtootly not. But Elton made the mistake of lashing out while cameras were rolling and his comments went viral despite trying to claim they were “off the record.”

Madonna is continuing her world tour to promote her 12th studio album, MDNA.

‘CODE’ FOR DAVINCI?

Is This Painting A Lost DaVinci Worth $150 Million?

IS THIS PAINTING BY 16TH CENTURY PAINTER LEONARDO DA VINCI?

The 23 inch by 28 inch oil was a gift to Fiona McLaren from her mother when she turned 40. It had previously belonged to McLaren’s deceased husband George, a physician who allegedly received the gift from a patient in the 60s. But the painting depicting a woman dressed in a red dress with two small boys never really suited McLaren’s fancy. Faced with economic difficulties, she brought it to Harry Robertson, the director of Sotheby’s in Scotland, who was left “speechless” at his perceived similarities to works by Italian artist Leonardo da Vinci. The discovery has electrified experts of the “old masters” in both Europe and America.

ON THE HUNT

Picking Over The Dead: Michael Jackson’s Predatory Siblings

By Elizabeth C.

THE RANDOM HOUSE COLLEGE DICTIONARY, REVISED EDITION, DEFINES VULTURE as “any of several large, primarily carrion-eating Old World birds of prey of the family Accipitridae, related to the hawks and eagles.

Colloquially, “vultures”
is a derogatory term “for panhandlers after their method of sizing up who looks the most vulnerable to be hit up on for money, like the bird species which swoops around looking for what they think are weak and/or injured animals to consume.”

I can’t shake the image of Michael Jackson’s siblings Randy, Jermaine, Janis and Rebbie — as scavengers seeking to dine on the dead.

“DOUCHE-TASTIC”

Olympian Ryan Lochte Loses Sheen With Some Of The Ladies

By Elizabeth C.

YOU HEAR THAT LOUD SLAPPING? That’s legs slamming shut across American vajajays after women reconsider the sex appeal of Ryan Lochte.

That’s the thing about the ladies, guys: lust is not just physical for us. Savvy matters; so do smarts. So while the cut Olympic swimmer with the soul-snatching baby blues still serves as feast for the eyes, his performance on the world stage has sapped some of the ladies’ competitive spirit for the man.

Simply put, his talk doesn’t match his swag.

For instance, just a day after his mum revealed to the world that Lochtenator has time for “one-night stands,” Lochte unbelievably claimed that he’s “never” had a hook-up.

KAPUT

Hoofing It: Real Housewife Adrienne Maloof Wants Clean Break From Paul Nassif

By Trisha B.

AS LISA VANDERPUMP AND KEN TODD PLAN ON RENEWING THEIR VOWS, former neighbors, Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif are separating.

The couple — she a Real Housewife with the Maloof Hoof” shoe line, he, a plastic surgeon — break up just shy their 10 year anniversary.

Radar reports today that the Beverly Hills maven promises to keep the drama onthe low-down.

LIAR’S PANTS ON FIRE

Snooki & JWoww: Queens For A Day

By Karen Malmquist

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP FEELS LIKE IT’S IN A RUT? Hire drag queens to give your boyfriend a lap dance!

After last week’s Snooki & J-Woww saw Jenni and Roger on the verge of a fight, a surprise trip to the drag club gets them back on track.

Jenni wakes up to an angry phone call from Roger. He says he feels he can’t trust her because she didn’t tell him anything about getting sued. What’s this about her being sued?

MEOW

Credit:Natalia Kolesnikova, AFP/Getty Image

P-Whipped? Putin Says Don’t Punish ‘Pussy Riot’ Too Harshly

By Elizabeth C.

WERE IT NOT FOR THEIR CHEEKY NAME, the three post-punk female rockers of “The Pussy Riot” might well be stewing anonymously inside a Russian prison. But a brand like that provokes attention.

Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, 23, Maria Alekhina, 24, and Yekaterina Samutsevich, 29, have been imprisoned since February, accused of “hooliganism” against religion for delivering a “punk prayer” against President Vladimir Putin inside a cathedral.

KEEP IT ‘OUTBACK’

New Zealand ‘School For Schmucks’ Holds Dead Opposum Dressing Contest

By Elizabeth C.

LIKE THE UNWITTING DOLTS INVITED TO THE “>RIOTOUSLY INSULTING DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS, administrators at a tiny New Zealand school who held a best dressed opposum contest can’t fathom what all the fuss is about.

The contest was part of an inaugural pig hunting contest to benefit the 14 students of the Uriti School. But the display of dead opposums dressed as — among other things, a boxer, princess, painter, beach comber and beauty queen - - sickened animal lovers and animal rights groups.